PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Benton Harbor High School
Benton Harbor, MI
Thursday April 5th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

REPLAY: End of Tuesday Night’s PCW Wild in Wisconsin
Olbermann again starts going off about various things.  Finally…

*Def Leppard’s Tear It Down plays*

Suave: YES!

‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

WTF: Keith.  You’re fired.

WTF grabs Olbermann by the throat…lift…CHOKESLAM!

Crowd: PCW…PCW…PCW!

*Fleetwood Mac‘s “Don’t Stop” begins to play*

‘The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon’ Al Gore (D)

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore in the ring.

Gore: I suppose you all want to know what went down between Keith Olbermann and Current TV.   All I can say is that Mr. Olbermann, who was paid a lot of money for showing up periodically to do his show and didn’t keep up his end of the bargain, apparently wants tens of millions more for not working.  As the old adage says, when the law’s on your side you argue the law.  When the law and the facts aren’t on your side, you pound the table.  Let’s just say that Mr. Olbermann is well versed in pounding the table.

Voice: Hold on a second, Al!

Keith Olbermann and the minions of his Olbermann Broadcast Empire, formerly known as  FOK, David Schuster and Shannyn Moore, walk out.

Olbermann: The Mets put Andres Torres on the DL today. That seems to have as much relevance to my lawsuit as anything you just said, Al.

Gore smiles and hands Olbermann a piece of paper.

Gore: This has plenty of relevance, Keith.  Consider yourself served.

Suave: OLBERMANN JUST GOT SERVED…OH, SUIT PAPERS!

Olbermann’s face turns red and he tackles Gore.

Suave: CAT-FIIIIIIIIIGHT!  CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!

The OBE try to separate the two.

BACKSTAGE
‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.

Romney: It’s time to get going.  It’s time to start focusing on November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 and PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL).  It’s enough to make you think that years of flying around on Air Force One, surrounded by an adoring staff of true believers telling you what a great job you are doing, well, that might be enough to make you a little out of touch.

Bernstein: And?

Romney: And…that’s all.

Bernstein: Oh.  You’re not going to screw up the aftermath of a victory again?

Romney: Not this time.

(1) Daniel-San vs. Steve Torino- Used Car Salesman- no contest

Daniel-San was about to slap on the Labell Lock when former allies John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives came out and attacked the former PCW Champion.

The Cobra Cons stomp away at a helpless Daniel-San until the crowd roars and Mrs. Miyagi sprints out with Halitosis- The Insane Luchador with the even more Insane Breath,  to the ring.  Halitosis uses his lethal breath to knock out the Cobra Cons and Creese escapes through the ropes.

Daniel-San sees Mrs. Miyagi and tries to shake her hand.  Mrs. Miyagi turns around and leaves before he can do so.

Bobby Petrino Motorcycle Accident
Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino shuffles to the ring.  He admits that he didn’t fully disclose the fact that there was a 25 year old female passenger riding with him after his recent motorcycle accident.

Petrino: I have been in constant pain, medicated and the circumstances involving the wreck have come out in bits and pieces. That said I certainly had a concern about Jessica Dorrell’s name being revealed.  In hindsight, I showed a serious mistake in judgment when I chose not to be more specific about those details. Today, I’ve acknowledged this previous inappropriate relationship with my family and those within the athletic department administration.

Suave: Apparently, Jessica Dorrell turned down riding First Class to her upcoming wedding and rode Coach… *rimshot*

Petrino then added…

Petrino: Do you know who I am?  This is the freakin’ SEC.  I’ve won 21 games at Arkansas over the past two seasons…

Arkansas Razorbacks fan: Y’all, there’s two college football coaches better than anyone else in the country- Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino.   Sooooo-eeee.

Suave: Bama is ‘Roll Tide.’  Petrino is ‘Stop, Drop, and Roll.’

(2) Scott Walker’s (R-WI) Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R) def. Flavin and Tony Dreamboat

The Walkers win when Flavin tried to clock Ronnie Walker with the oversized clock around his neck and missed.  Ronnie then got the roll up pin for the victory.

Post match, the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) attacked the Walkers.  Once again, Rebecca Kleefisch (R-WI) is cornered- this time by Union Maid, and bombarded with invectives from both Big Labor and James.

*’Can You Hear the People Sing’ from Les Miserables plays*

Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic aka The American Heartland Coalition run out and make the save for Kleefisch.  Big Union leaves the ring but Blackwell tells them to wait.

Blackwell: The number one problem with PCW is that both the Republican and Democrats have sold their souls to their special interest groups at our expense.  The number two problem is that both Republicans and Democrats have a virtual monopoly on the political processes and have effectively excluded the American people a choice. As of right now, the PCW is going to be stuck with making the following choice for PCW CEO: a Democrat  who promised change but delivered the same hardline political partisanism that he was supposedly against and a challenger foisted up by a Republican establishment totally out of touch with Main Street America.

Big Labor takes a step towards the ring but he’s blocked by Blackwell’s Les Miserables.

Mike the Mechanic:  Charlie’s right.  That’s not democracy. And both parties are so far out of touch with what’s really going on with average Americans that voting for either candidate in the fall when gas prices are ridiculously high, housing values have decreased, jobs aren’t coming back, is basically a coin flip. You can vote for one party who does the bidding of their special interest groups or you can vote for the other. Partisans win- the American people lose.

Suave: Earlier in the night, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism quietly signed off on the contract to face PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas in June at PCW Loose Cannons unleashed 8.

REPLAY: Tuesday Night’s PCW Wild in Wisconsin
Chism: What did I tell you?  Valora’s a chick.  She’s not a real chick though because everyone knows real chicks support Democrats.  She knows there’s no way in hell that she can beat me.  She’s probably back home washing the dishes or cleaning the house-

Out of nowhere, Valora jumps Chism and blasts him in the head with a lead pipe.

Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Valora busts him open with a second lead pipe shot and then puts the Katahajime on him.

Immediately, Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) race to the ring and start shouting for help.   Code Pink and Emily S. List run down.  Valora lets go of Chism and then decks both with a double clothesline.  She rams Code Pink’s head into the corner turnbuckle.  Then she flings List through the ropes to the floor.

Chism tries to get up.  Valora hits a running dropkick and Chism goes right back down.  Valora drags the PCW Television Champion to the table and puts her finger in the bloody cut on Chism’s face.  Then she signs the contract with Chism’s blood and as PCW security hits the ring, slides out and heads to the back.

Suave then reports on the Brad Company-Health Care- PCW Super Court situation.  Following arguments made before the Super Court, the matter was now in the hands of the Super Court justices to make their decision.

PCW Hall of Fame Class Announced
Suave announced the inductees to the PCW HOF:
Wrestlers: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R)
Politicians: ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove

The class will be inducted at PCW’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 PPV in June.

House Show Highlights
Suave reveals that there was an incident last night at a PCW House show between PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins and Miss USA.

KRC came out to cut a promo and then described Miss USA having a child as a ‘career killer.’

KRC: Her career will never be what it should have been because of the choice she made.

Miss USA than ran out and another pull apart brawl ensued.

Suave: It’s going to happen…sooner than later.  KRC vs. Miss USA.

Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother

Tebow is in the ring and rips Peyton Manning once again.  This time, Manning walks out and challenges Tebow to a match.  Tebow accepts but Manning then sends down the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka (R).

Tanaka wins in short order with Manning cheering him on with the Japanese SuperDestroyer.

On the ramp clapping- New York Jet QB Mark Sanchez??????

Points Standings (from Real Clear Politics):
Romney- 655
Santorum- 272
Gingrich- 140
Paul- 67

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Anderson Roll Arena
Anderson, IN
Thursday March 1st, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

**10 Bell Tribute to Conservative Firebrand Andrew Breitbart**

Replay of end of Michigan Madness match Tuesday night where ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D) tried to influence the ending by knocking out Yamamoto Tanaka (R)- representing ‘The Massachusett’s Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) and having A. Tom Bomb (R)- for Rick Santorum (R-PA) win.

But the Republican Establishment in the form of Corporate Might’s Big Oil (R) and the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) made sure that Tanaka won the Michigan Madness match.

Limbaugh Backstage
The ‘Extreme Innovator of Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh discussed the contraceptive issue with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Limbaugh had this to say about Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown Law Student who recently testified that her student health insurance plan should cover contraceptives.

Limbaugh: What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute.  If we’re going to pay for your contraceptives and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch.

Charlie Blackwell (AmerHeartland) beat Nate of Occupy Wall Street (D)
Nate rode a bicycle to the ring and berated middle class America for not joining their cause and siding with the 1%.  Blackwell came to the ring with his Les Miserables, took a microphone, and launched into a diatribe against the Republicans and Democrats.

Blackwell: …let’s be clear here.  The Republican Establishment are nothing more than a Borg that’s sucking the soul out of the Tea Party and Main Street America.  And the Democrats?  They handed control of their group over to a bunch of irresponsible ideologues who can’t grasp the concept that spending money we don’t have is…irresponsible.

Nate then attacked and lost quickly to Blackwell’s Katahajime submission.  The rest of the O.W.S. then hit the ring but Blackwell’s ‘Les Miserables’ kicked them out.

PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then spoke with Chism about what went down Tuesday night with the unexpected return of PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas.

Bernstein then showed a film clip of Chism’s reaction when Valora showed up:

BACKSTAGE
Chism is in one of the stalls in the men’s room using the bathroom and well…um, never mind.

Chism: I had an intestinal…aliment……I ate some…bad food…that’s why I was in the bathroom

Suave: Seriously?  First it was the return of Halitosis- the Luchador with Insane Smelling Breath?  Then Newt Tron Bomb and his gaseous ‘Silent But Deadly’ submission comes back.  Now, this?  A clip of Chism crapping himself in the bathroom?  What the hell is this- the WWE?

Natalya Farts Again- WWE

Suave: See?

Nancy Pelosi- Limbaugh
‘The Queen Bee of the D’s’ Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) goes to the ring to complain about Rush Limbaugh’s comments about Law Student Sandra Fluke.

Pelosi: I’m surprised that Republican leaders haven’t condemned what Rush Limbaugh said, but GOPers would not be able to escape it.  They won’t disassociate themselves from it. They’re tattooed with that.  I wouldn’t want those words repeated in my office.

Suave: Yeah, because I’m sure Democrats would never say anything like that.

Suave: Exactly.  I don’t think anyone’s apologized to the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ for that yet.

PCW Television TItle Match
Halitosis (I) def. TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) via count-out- Chism retains the title
Chism worked the Republicans in the crowd by telling them how much he hated conservatives.  This was a good back and forth match until Valora Salinas ran to the ring.  Chism took off to the men’s locker room and reportedly spent several minutes in the bathroom as Valora pounded on the locker room door.

Suave: Really?  Did Vince McMahon come up with this?

Olympia Snowe (R-ME)/Bob Kerrey (D-NE)
Snowe meets up with Kerrey backstage.  Snowe, a moderate, tells him she’s retiring.  When Kerrey asks why, she complained that toxic partisan battles have made the PCW Executive Committee unworkable.  Snowe tells him that there’s no longer a place in either the PCW Executive and Competition Committee for ‘committed centrists.’

Kerrey laments that and tells Snowe he’s running for a spot on the PCW Executive Committee.  Snowe asks ‘doesn’t he think he’ll run into the same problem?’

Then Markos Moulitsas (D) of the Daily Kos runs out and he’s none too pleased at Kerrey’s announcement.

Markos: I hope you get carpet bombed. The more Republicans have to fight in places like Nebraska, the less they’ll have to go after Democratic candidates who actually act like Democrats.  And if it turns out you need the help, then too bad. F—- you.

Suave: Apparently, Markos hasn’t read this…

Roger Ailes Blurbs for Rachel Maddow’s ‘Drift’ Book

“Drift never makes the case that war might be necessary. America would be weakened dramatically if we had underreacted to 9/11. However, Rachel Maddow makes valid arguments that our country has been drifting towards questionable wars, draining our resources, without sufficient input and time. People who like Rachel will love the book. People who don’t will get angry, but aggressive debate is good for America. Drift is a book worth reading.”

Suave: Or this…

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

What other book features a parody of Les Miserables and Smokey and the Bandit in the same story?  And it features a scene with PCW too!

PCW Non-Title Match
PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) w/the Cobra Cons def. Axel Rodd (D)

Daniel-San came to the ring all bandaged up claiming injury from his recent CWC match.  The progressives in the crowd absolutely lost it when Axel Rodd came to the ring and acted as if he was Justin Bieber.

Daniel-San played the cowardly heel and it was John Creese and his Cobra Cons do most of the work against Rodd.  Following the Cobra Con beat down, Daniel-San forced Rodd to submit to the Labell Lock.

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Marion County Fairgrounds Arena
Marion, OH
Monday February 20th, 2012

Hello and welcome to another edition of PCW Extreme Political TV recap.   Tonight’s show started off with a super special treat!

Suave: We have a special treat tonight!  The first time PCW has ever broadcast a match from Munich, Germany.  Let’s go to the ring.

MATCH #1
Derek Chisora
vs.
David Haye

watch?v=CH7lK6LZ_5g&feature=player_embedded#!

Suave: What?  That was supposed to be a press conference? Really?

Who knew?

After that fiasco, it was back to Marion, Ohio and the real, first match of the night.  Big Oil vs. Mitch Thomas- the American Taxpayer.  Big Oil was very happy when he came to the ring.

Big Oil: Good news!  Tom Kloza of the Oil Price Information Service that tracks crude, wholesale, and retail prices predicts that we will possibly have RECORD GAS PRICESTHIS SUMMER!  Isn’t that great?

The crowd boos very loudly.

Big Oil: Oh, shut up.  You know that no matter how high the gas prices go, you’ll still fill up the ol’ car and drive.  You’re sheep- and your addiction to your automobiles is going to make me a very rich man this year!

More boos.  Now debris is being thrown in the ring. 

Suddenly, Mitch Thomas- the American Taxpayer runs in with a steel folding chair and blasts Big Oil over the back with it.

Suave: HOLY CRAP!  WE’VE GOT A MATCH!

MATCH #2
Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit
vs.
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Big Oil turns around and snatches the chair from Thomas’s hand.  He smiles and blasts Thomas on the top of the head with the chair and he’s out.  Big Oil puts his foot on Thomas’s throat…the referee counts to 3 and that’s it.

WINNER: Big Oil @ :25

And that was that…or was it?

Big Oil spikes Thomas with the Oklahoma Driller and now he’s in bad shape.  Walstreit kicks away at the American Taxpayer.

Suave: THIS SUCKS!  THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT BIG OIL AND WALL STREET HAVE DONE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!

*Can You Hear the People Sing’ from the musical ‘Les Miserables’ plays*

Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and Dave the Mechanic run down to make the save.

Last week, Texas Jack (R) was screwed over by the Republican establishment at PCW’s Maine show.

Replay: Last week’s PCW Extreme Political TV
Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand.  He climbs the top turnbuckle…SPLASH!    Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?

Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out.

Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so.  Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil.  He doesn’t see Tanaka.  HOLY CRAP!

From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad habit with the Scorpion Death Drop.  

Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he makes the count…1…2..3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02

So, Texas Jack (R) responded in the only he knew how.

Texas Jack throws D.B. Ruff of Arizona’s Rough Justice into the lockers in the Republican Establishment’s locker room.  Connor Justice tries to taser him but Texas Jack kicks it out of his hand.  Right hand by Texas Jack.  Then he takes the taser and uses it on Justice.  Security rushes in and Texas Jacks tasers the whole lot of them.

More bad news for Mitt Romney (R) though.

BACKSTAGE
Sheldon Adelson hands a 10 million dollar check to wrestler Magnum P.O.’d (R) to help him advance the Newt Gingrich cause.

So, in a process that was supposed to benefit Romney, it’s clear that four men (Romney, Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum) are very much alive.

Then this little incident took place…

Some guy in the audience is getting ready to enjoy his beer and hot dogs.  Peta from PETA and Politically Correct: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Taylor-Thomas and Soccer Mom (D) confront him and take his beer and hot dogs away.  Then they hand him more nutritous options.  Peta from PETA approves- just like she approves of the North Carolina school that took a 4 year old’s lunch away and replaced it with a state approved cafeteria lunch.

Peta from PETA: If parents are too stupid to properly feed their children the state mandated, nutritious food they’re supposed to, then the schools should take the children’s inappropriate lunch away and make them eat the politically correct food.

Not everyone in the crowd agreed.  Two surprise visitors from PCW past reappeared.

Al Cahall and Nic Koteen aka…Politically Incorrect…run in with beers and brats for the guy.  Cahall decks New Age Sensitive Guy and Koteen chases Soccer Mom from the arena.

Of course, Peta from PETA was not pleased and vowed to make sure that the Federal Government mandates to people what they should and shouldn’t eat.  Suave was less than impressed.

Suave: Swell.

Then ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) made his first appearance since quitting the Republicans.

MATCH #3
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)
vs.
K-Roy (R)

…Scott takes control and hits K-Roy with the Doctor Bomb in the corner.   Scott catches him with a chop block to the kneecap and locks in the Ankle Lock and forces K-Roy to tap.

WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) @ 9:20

So Kevin Scott gets a win in his first match back.  Of course, the big question is with the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka now on the Republican’s side, does Scott go over to the Democrat’s?  Or will he stay Independent?

As PCW Super Tuesday Spectacular draws near, Mitt Romney (R-MA), Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republcan Establishment head to the ring to attempt to reassure supporters the Romney has everything under control.  They even bring out supporter Mike DeWine (R-OH) as reinforcement.

Romney: …so, as you can all see, despite our recent setbacks, we are still on pace to be Barack Obama’s (D-IL) opponent in-…

DeWine attacks Romney out of the blue and then…

A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Suave: IT’S A-BOMB!  AND HE IS ON…

Both A-Bomb and Daisy wipe out Tanaka.  Romney was pulled from the ring by the Establishment and hightailed it to the back.

Suave: A-BOMB LIFTS TANAKA UP!  ATOMIC POWERBOMB!  THIS THING ISN’T OVER BY A LONG SHOT!

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- the novel

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Imperial Bowl
Pittsfield, MA
Thursday February 9th, 2012
Announcer:
Johnny Suave

Suave welcomed everyone to another edition of PCW Politics is War.  He
reviewed what went down Tuesday night at PCW Minnesota Mayhem:

-the preemptive attack on the Right Rev. Randy Richardson
(R), representing Rick Santorum (R-PA) and the God Squad by ‘The
Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt
Romney’s (R-MA) wrestler Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republican Establishment.

-the surprise return of A. Tom Bomb (R).   Accompanied by
long time valet, Daisy Cutter-Bomb,
A-Bomb laid waste to Tanaka, K-Roy (R)- representing Newt Gingrich, and Magnum PO’d (R)- for Ron Paul (R-TX) to sweep through the Minnesota Mayhem match
on behalf of Santorum.

Suave announced that Jesusland
vs. Progressiveville, the novel featuring two wrestlers from Political
Championship Wrestling (‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah!),
was released on Kindle earlier today.

MATCH #1
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I)
w/Rah
vs.
‘American Girl‘ Sarah Mae
Smith (R) w/Harley Davisson

Smith challenged the whole concept of the book and blamed
the country’s problems on liberal Democrats.  She called herself a ‘true
American’ and went after Martin before the bell rang.

[...Martin and Smith brawl on the floor.   Smith gets a swinging bulldog on
Martin and drives the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl's face into the floor.  From
behind, Davisson grabs Martin  tiger driver!  Rah protests to the referee.
Smith goes corkscrew legdrop but Tessa instinctively moves at the last second.
Rah helps Martin back into the ring and Smith follows suit.

Martin with an arm wrench, then a forearm smash.   Legsweep faceslam brings
the American Girl down.  Smith back up...PIZZA CUTTER!  Smith pinned. The ref
starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @
6:45

BACKSTAGE
Mitt Romney held a ‘press availability’ (isn’t
that a press conference?) get together in the back and had this to say…

Romney: “I’d like to congratulate Rick Santorum on his win
Tuesday night.  But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t mean a hill of
gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia because I will
be the Republican taking on Barack Obama in the fall.”

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then asked Mitt how it couldn’t
mean something after he went to great trouble to take out Rev. Richardson
earlier in the night.  Romney disputed that ‘he’d’ gone after anyone.  He blamed
the attack on Rev. Richardson on Santorum’s record when he was part of the PCW
Executive Committee.  Bernstein again asked how.  Romney replied, “… Santorum
never et an earmark he didn’t like, now when his wrestler (Richardson) gets
instead of doing the responsible thing and toeing the line on spending he goes
out and buys another wrestler (A-Bomb).”

Bernstein then asked if the win was a significant setback for Romney.  Mitt
said it wasn’t because he really didn’t try to win that hard.

“I could have tried to win a lot harder, perhaps, but I didn’t so it really
doesn’t hurt me too bad in the grand scheme of things.”

Bernstein: “If you weren’t really trying that much, why did
you have Richardson taken out before the match?”

Romney sputtered around the subject and then declared he’d ‘try harder’
tonight.   He then laid out a challenge to A-Bomb to face Yamamoto Tanaka
tonight and claimed that PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) had
already signed off on the match.

Out of nowhere, Code Pink runs out.  She
tries to fire a Glitter Bomb at Romney but out comes Arizona’s Rough
Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former city police officers
fired for their extreme brand of justice, with Sheriff Joe Arpaio.  They collar Code Pink and drag her away
before she can reach Romney.

‘The Massachusett’s Redblood then walked away with his entourage in search of
gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia.

Then Mrs. Miyagi, former manager of the PCW Champion Daniel-San, walked out
with her new wrestler- HALITOSIS (I)!

Halitosis (I) with Mrs. Miyagi

‘The Luchador with the Insanely Bad Breath’ Halitosis
HT:
5’8, WT: 170, HOME: Cabo Wabo, Mexico
FIN: Breath of Death
MGR: Mrs.
Miyagi

Suave: It’s Halitosis versus…Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?  Who
the hell is Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?

Another excerpt from Jesusland vs.
Progressiveville:
“EXCUSE ME!” Lingerie Girl sprang to her feet and
wagged her finger at Rah. “I’ll have you know that…hey…”

She looked down.  Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy was affectionately licking her
feet.

“No! No, no, no!” Lingerie Girl said, pulling her feet back and then hopping
up and down. She bent down and rubbed the top of her foot with her hand to get
the slobber and drool off.

Suave: “Ew, lovely.”

MATCH #2
Halitosis (I)
vs.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy
(I)

[The bell rings...Halitosis kicks Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy in the groin.
Snap mare takeover. Headlock takedown.  Halitosis...BREATHES IN NYE'S FACE!.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy drops to the mat.  Halitosis hooks the leg. Referee
makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Halitosis @ :41

Suave: “Okay.  First Newt Tron Bomb comes back Tuesday night
with his lethal flatulence otherwise known as ‘Silent, But Deadly.’  Now,
Halitosis?  The WWE wouldn’t do this type of crap-”

Suave: “Okay.  I take that back.”

Suave then talks about the major controversy from last week’s Super
Bowl.

The God Squad…

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0  WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi,
Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189, HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

…then come out to complain about Madonna’s ‘inappropriate’ Super Bowl
halftime show.

Rev. Flambe: “Why can’t they bring in good, wholesome
entertainment?”

Rev. Hinnrich agreed.  He suggested bringing back  ‘Up With People.’

Suave: “Oh, dear.  No.  No, no, no…no.”

Backstage
Vince Giordano, Vice President of the New Jersey Education
Association, spoke with Bernstein about his opposition to school vouchers.
Bernstein asked Giordano if it was fair for poor students to be stuck in failing
schools.

Giordano: “Well,  life’s not always fair and I’m sorry about
that.”

Out of nowhere, the Jersey Boyz Vinnie and Frankie (R) tackle Giordano and
there’s a brawl when ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty of the
California Teacher’s Union comes to his aid.  Chris Christie (R-NJ) came out and
delivered this diatribe:

Christie: “I cannot express how disgusted I am by that
statement.  But I also have to tell you I’m not the least bit surprised because
I think it so succinctly captures what their position- their real position-
is.”

Suave: “For not being able to express his disgust, he’s
doing a pretty good job of expressing his disgust.”

Christie went on to call Giordano’s comments ‘puffed up rich man’s baloney’
and again the Jersey Boyz attacked- this time against the CTU.  A referee came
out and we had ourselves an impromptu match…

MATCH #3
The California Teacher’s Union: Andy ‘The Foul Pole’
Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)
vs.
The Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R)
w/Chris Christie (R-NJ)

[...Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker  hits the ring and takes
out the referee.  James the Jeep Worker a jawbreaker on Vinnie.  Big Labor
splashes Frankie in the corner. Giordano cheers as Frankie gets suplexed by Big
Labor.   Inverted atomic drop on Vinnie by Golatta.  Now, guillotine choke on
Vinnie.   Christie in the ring!  Big splash to James the Jeep Worker.  Christie
decks Giordano from the ring apron and follows him to the floor.  Wait!  That's
Scott Walker (R-WI) and Mitch Daniels (R-IN) coming to the ring!  And they're
bringing the Roy Boys!  T-Roy and K-Roy hit the ring to even the odds.  K-Roy
pokes Golatta in the eyes...Evenflow DDT by T-Roy! K-Roy drags Vinnie over and
puts him on Golatta for a pin. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: The Jersey Boyz @ 9:30

Both tag teams barely have enough time to get out of the ring before both
A-Bomb and Tanaka come brawling down the ramp.

A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy
Cutter-Bomb

[A-Bomb punches Tanaka over and over.  Tanaka finally tackles A-Bomb and roll
around the floor.  Then Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) run down
and start beating on A-Bomb.  Walstreit hits with the back of his elbow while
Big Oil delivers a kick to the head.   Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on Big Oil’s
back.  He lifts her up and Samoan Drops her to the floor.  Tanaka and Big Oil
whip A-Bomb into the steel barricade.  Then Tanaka lifts him
up…PILEDRIVER.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil then delivers an Oklahoma Driller and finally security gets down to
the ring.  Both A-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb are laid out on the floor as the
show ends.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Viking Hall
Bristol, TN
Thursday January 26th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave begins but is interrupted by a commotion in the back.

Suave: “Hold on a second.  I’ve been told to send it to PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Woodward?”

Bernstein is in the back.  In the background, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) is in the middle of an intense conversation with PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL).

Bernstein: “This has been brewing for quite a while.  Brewer and Obama don’t see eye to eye about much of anything.   Ah, here comes Brewer.”

Brewer says that Obama’s upset about what she said about him in her book- Scorpions for Breakfast.   “It is what it is. I proceeded to say that to him, and he chose to walk away from me.”    Brewer adds that in life, we all have our bad days.  Sometimes we say and do things we could all take back.  Tonight, is not one of those days.  She will not be intimidated.

Obama is now in the ring and says he can’t hear a word Brewer is saying, perhaps she should come into the ring.  Brewer retorts that he doesn’t work for Obama.  Obama responds that he is the PCW CEO and she will listen to what he has to say.   Obama says she’s being disrespectful to the office of PCW CEO.

The crowd then roars when Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition comes out.

Blackwell: “And you, Mr. PCW CEO, are being disrespectful to the people of Arizona…and other states by siccing your minions on them.”

Obama tells Blackwell he just made a huge mistake and that he can either apologize to him or face Democrat Yamamoto Tanaka- The Japanese SuperDestroyer in a Falls Count Anywhere match right now.  Blackwell: “Bring it on!”

MATCH #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D) w/Reika

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) 
HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215 HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)
MGR: Kenzie Blackwell

Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer
MGR: Mrs. Miyagi

[...Tanaka lifts Blackwell and delivers a back breaker.  Blackwell goes to the floor.]

Suave: “Hold on a second!  What’s John McCain doing down there?”

[McCain (R-AZ), accompanied by Jan Brewer,  sneaks up behind Tanaka with a blackjack.  *WHAP* Tanaka falls head first on the floor.  Reika is pissed off and runs over to check on her wrestler.  Brewer pulls her away just as Blackwell hits a frog splash on Tanaka and then a corkscrew legdrop.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!   McCain interferes in the match?  Why?”

McCain comes over to the broadcast table and grabs a microphone and justifies his interference because PCW CEO Obama can be ‘abrasive.’  When asked for further clarification…

McCain: “Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, had a similar exchange with the president.  It’s very well-known that he has a prickly personality and I think it’s been displayed in both of those cases. And I also think that Jan Brewer is very concerned about the security on our border.”

[Blackwell takes Tanaka into the ring. Blackwell runs in and leg drops Tanaka.  Blackwell follows with a handspring moonsault.  Blackwell then hits a screwdriver on Tanaka and slaps on the Katahajime.  Tanaka has no choice but to tap out. ]

WINNER: Charlie Blackwell @ 8:41

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Brewer’s Book Soars Up Bestseller List

After Obama face-off, Brewer’s book takes off

McCain backs Brewer in tarmac tiff, calls Obama ‘prickly’

Tanaka is furious and storms into PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid‘s (D-NV) office.  Reid is meeting with Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and seems surprised to see the huge Japanese wrestler standing before him.  Reika walks in and demands to know where the back up was and how in the hell John ‘freakin’ McCain was able to get a cheap shot on him?

Reid tries to calm the big guy down but Reika isn’t having any of it.  Tanaka was promised a lot of things to come back to the Democrats and he’s been screwed out of a title shot.  Reid responds that Tanaka had a shot for the title and blew it when he couldn’t get past O’Beck Bahama (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).   Reid then tells him that he’s got bigger things to worry about- like the new alliance between the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) and John Creese and his Cobra Cons.

Reid: “If you want to be useful, help Chism win the PCW title!”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Video Shows Senator Calm as He’s Detained

Rand Paul: “Just think what I would have done if I really really, really irate?”

Suave: “Make more phone calls?”

MATCH #2- Hostages on a Pole Match
Navy Seals 1 and 2 vs. Pirate Captain Jack Suarez and Pirate First Mate Jay

[The two Pirates are in the ring but the Navy Seals are no where to be found.  The bell rings and Navy Seal #1 slides in from underneath the ring.  Bulldog.  Sit down facebuster.  Pirate Jay tries to help but he's cut down by Navy Seal #2.  Navy Seal #1 rolls up Captain Jack...1...2...3.]

WINNER: The Navy Seals @ 1:15

The Seals cut down the hostages and leave the ring.

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC: Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona v. President Obama- Dust Up in Arizona

1. Perhaps if the President of the United States would stop using the Justice Department as a hammer against the states, there might not be this outwardly antagonistic atmosphere that permeates Brewer and Obama’s working relationship.

2. Unfortunately, said relationship causes the real issue to be clouded and when there is a definitive security problem on the Mexican border it’s a crime that goes back to the Bush Administration that the federal government has not taken constructive action to secure the border.

3.  Perhaps if the President were more concerned about that instead of how he’s perceived in someone’s book, the people of Arizona, and Texas, New Mexico, and California, might feel a little bit better about the issue of unfettered illegal immigrants streaming into the country.

—-

Suave: “Boy, that was a mouthful.  Where’s my theasaurus?”

Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post walks out and announces that Newt Gingrich can’t win.  Rubin contends that only a candidate who is ‘electable’ should emerge from the nominating process and that candidate is NOT Newt.

K-Roy (R) walks out with Gingrich.   K-Roy says he’s beaten their man, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott not once but twice now.  K-Roy says it’s the Republican Establishment who are afraid of Newt- not the American people.

Rubin tells K-Roy he’s a wrestler and not a politician and to ‘run along.’   K-Roy tells Rubin to tell Scott to get his ass in the ring and he’ll beat it all over the ring…again.

K-Roy gets in the ring but Scott does not come out.  Bob Dole does.

Suave: “Oh, great.  K-Roy’s going to kill Bob Dole in the ring.”

Thankfully, Dole does not get into the ring but reads from a statement:

I have not been critical of Newt Gingrich but it is now time to take a stand before it is too late. If Gingrich is the nominee it will have an adverse impact on Republican candidates running for county, state, and federal offices. Hardly anyone who served with Newt in Congress has endorsed him and that fact speaks for itself. He was a one-man-band who rarely took advice. It was his way or the highway.

Gingrich served as Speaker from 1995 to 1999 and had trouble within his own party. By 1997 a number of House Republican members wanted to throw him out as Speaker. But he hung on until after the 1998 elections when Newt could read the writing on the wall. His mounting ethics problems caused him to resign in early 1999. I know whereof I speak as I helped establish a line of credit of $150,000 to help Newt pay off the fine for his ethics violations. In the end, he paid the fine with money from other sources.

Gingrich had a new idea every minute and most of them were off the wall. He loved picking a fight with Bill Clinton because he knew this would get the attention of the press. This and a myriad of other specifics like shutting down the government helped to topple Gingrich in 1998.

In my run for the presidency in 1996 the Democrats greeted me with a number of negative TV ads and in every one of them Newt was in the ad. He was very unpopular and I am not only certain that this did not help me, but that it also cost House seats that year. Newt would show up at the campaign headquarters with an empty bucket in his hand — that was a symbol of some sort for him — and I never did know what he was doing or why he was doing it, and I’m not certain he knew either.

The Democrats are spending millions of dollars running negative ads against Romney as they are hoping that Gingrich will be the nominee which could result in a landslide victory for Obama and a crushing defeat for Republicans from the courthouse to the White House. Democrats are not running ads against Gingrich which is further proof they want to derail Governor Romney.

In my opinion if we want to avoid a sweeping victory by Obama in November, Republicans should nominate Governor Romney as our standard bearer. He could win because he has the requisite experience in the public and private sectors. He would be a PCW CEO in whom we could have confidence and he would make us proud.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BLITZER’S BLOG: My thoughts before tonight’s debate

Ann Coulter To Glenn Beck: Newt Gingrich Is ‘Pompous And Boring’

Suave: “Whoa!  Bob Dole lays it down against Newt Gingrich!”

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC:    Democratic Rep. Jan Schakowsky (Ill.) re: Keystone XL- “Twenty thousand jobs is really not that many jobs, and investing in green technologies will produce that and more…”

1.  Sure, tell that to one of the 20,000 gainfully seeking employment.

2. The Green technologies who produce jobs- you mean the ones that keep going bankrupt- those jobs?

3.  Really?

K-Roy is still in the ring.  Finally, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott runs out and it’s on again.

[Scott and K-Roy throw haymakers left and right at each other.  Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Ron Paul (R-TX) run down but once again they are reduced to being spectators.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  HERE COMES CORPORATE MIGHT!”

Big Oil (R)
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323, HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas Tex and Gordon Guyko

‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit” Kirk Walstreit (R)
HT: 6-2  WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge
MGR: Gordon Guyko

[Big Oil and Walstreit hit the ring and toss Scott aside to attack K-Roy.  Big Oil lays the chops across K-Roy's chest.  Walstreit delivers a couple of stiff right hands.  Gingrich is up on the apron screaming at the referee to stop this.  'The Queen of Political Extreme' Ann Coulter runs down and pulls Gingrich off the apron.  Gingrich and Coulter exchange words.  Big Oil lifts K-Roy up...OKLAHOMA DRILLER!]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  BIG OIL JUST SPIKED K-ROY!”

Down runs T-Roy (R) and the Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R).  They wade into the fray and it turns into a pier six brawl.

At the top of the ramp, PCW CEO Obama, Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker, The California Teacher’s Union, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism all watch.  Big Labor asks Obama if they should go down there and kick some ass.  Obama says that’s not necessary- they’re doing just fine.

PCW South Carolina Slaughter Report
Colonial Life Arena
Columbia, South Carolina
Saturday January 21st, 2012

K-Roy (R), seconded by Newt Gingrich (R-GA) pinned ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) at 16:22 to win at South Carolina Slaughter tonight in Columbia, South Carolina.

Gingrich wins South Carolina GOP primary, CNN projects; Romney second

Gingrich Rolls to Victory in South Carolina

After Chuck Norris hit the ring and connected with a spinning heel kick on Scott, K-Roy hit a K-Bomb on the ‘American Citizen’ to set up the final pin.   Also making a difference in the match, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) who made the save on a pin attempt by Scott.  ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’  Mitt Romney (R-MA) got into a heated argument with Palin afterwards and K-Roy seized on the momentum change to swing the match in his direction.

Post match, Romney vowed that he was in the Republican contest to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) in the fall for the long run.  He also gave Scott a vote of confidence after a tough week that’s witnessed the ascension of K-Roy as a major player in the PCW singles division.

Paul to skip Florida, look for delegates in Nevada, Minnesota

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to remain neutral in GOP primary

The main event featured PCW Champion, Independent Daniel-San, accompanied to the ring by Mrs. Miyagi, versus PCW Women’s Champion and PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas for the PCW Title.

The match started off with an impressive series of technical wrestling of all things and Daniel-San controlled the early going.  But soon enough, Valora showed just why she is considered PCW’s Queen of Extreme by incorporating a steel folding chair and other sundry weaponry into the match.

After a two minute sequence that saw near-falls by both wrestlers and had the crowd on their feet, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy, made their way to the ring.  Creese and his group entered the ring and it appeared they were going to attack Daniel-San again.  However, Creese sic’d his Cobra Cons on Valora.

Salinas, an independent with no real allies to come to her rescue, was obliterated by the four on one attack and then decked by a Crane Kick by Daniel-San that nearly took her head off.  Unconscious on unable to defend herself, Daniel-San slapped on the Labell Lock and the referee called the match.  However, Daniel-San refused to release the hold, even after Mrs. Miyagi pleaded with him to do so.  Creese’s Cobra Cons then annihilated Mrs. Miyagi and left her in a crumpled heap in the ring.

Finally, Daniel-San left the ring with Creese and company to a chorus of boos and debris being hurled in his direction.  To everyone’s great surprise, Leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) walked out with Democrat wrestler Kathryn Randall Collins.

Reid and Pelosi told the referee to ring the bell for a PCW Women’s title match.  KRC rolled the unconscious Valora over and made the cover.  Reid and Pelosi demanded that the referee make the 3 count.   He does reluctantly and KRC is given the PCW Women’s Title belt as a result.

Tune in to PCW Extreme Political TV Monday night to see what ramifications there are from what went down tonight.

Romney Can End This in Florida

Newt Gingrich’s South Carolina Upset

Gingrich Wins in South Carolina

To recap:

K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) defeated ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) backed by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX).

PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) retained over PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) with the Labell Lock.  Daniel-San declared his allegiance with the Republicans after the match.

Kathryn Randall Collins (D) pinned PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) to win the Women’s title.

Mitt heightens Newt attack in speech

Palin dubs Newt GOP ‘front-runner’

Newt Gingrich Pulls Off South Carolina Upset, Increasing Chances of Long Nomination Fight

PCW Politics is War on
P-SPAN Report
Bender Arena
Washington D.C.
Thursday January 19th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Crowd: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave welcomes everyone to PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.  The PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) is on his way to the ring with Mrs. Miyagi and Suave reminds everyone what happened Monday night.

Replay-PCW Extreme Political TV
PCW Champion
Daniel-San (I) talks with Woodward Bernstein.  He explains that the reason he is giving Valora a title match is because he’s obligated to defend the title and she deserves as much as anyone else.    Mrs. Miyagi adds that he’s not going to take her lightly before getting cut off by the champion.  Daniel-San then adds that Valora has won titles before and it’s time to see just how she’ll handle a big time match.

Daniel-San gets on the mic and publicly apologizes to Mrs. Miyagi for the way he acted.  He blames the extreme pressure of being the PCW Champion for him snapping like that.  Daniel-San tells the fans he’s lived out his dreams being the champion and he just had a bad night.

Mrs. Miyagi accepts his apology and both head to the back.  Daniel-San holds up his PCW title belt before disappearing into the back.

Suave: “Tonight on PCW Politics is War, Daniel-San and PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas will sign off on Saturday’s match at South Carolina Slaughter.   Stay tuned for that.”

To the ring…

Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall announces the guest referee for our first match of the night- Carnival Cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino!

The crowd dumps all over the captain as he and his blond bombshell Dominica Cermotan come to the ring.

MATCH #1
PBR (I) w/Chief vs. James the Jeep Worker (D)

PBR- HT: 6’0”  WT: 220, HOME: Huntington, W.Va
FIN: Blue
Ribbon Blaster
MGR: Chief

James the Jeep Worker- HT: 5’10″, WT: 221, HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Picket Line

There’s spectulation that PBR may be signing on with the American Heartland Coalition according to Suave.

The match is a wild mishmash with little in ring activity.  Then Big
Union (D) hits the ring and all hell breaks loose.

[...’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big
Labor hits PBR with the Scabbuster!  Union Maid in the ring.  Here comes the California Teacher's Union: 'Foul Pole' Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty!  Golatta...FOUL POLE ON CHIEF!  Chief doubles over from the deliberate low blow by the Foul Pole.  Big Labor and Golatta hold PBR up so James the Jeep Worker can hit the Picket Line on him...]

Captain Schettino tries to restore order…unsuccessfully.

[...The American Heartland Coalition races to the ring: Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables, Mike the Mechanic with
Tequila Sheila...

*Bobby Bare's "Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila" plays over the loudspeakers*

...along with the Walker Brothers: Ronnie and John.  Blackwell with the steel chair *WHAP* down goes James the Jeep Worker.  *WHAP*
Down goes Malibu Dusty!  *ZZZZZAP*  Mike the Mechanic shocks Big Labor with his Jumper Cables.   Democrats and Republicans converge on the ring and it's a near riot.]

Captain Schettino throws his arms up.  He hops out of the ring, grabs the
blonde bombshell, and heads to the back.   However, he’s met on the ramp by PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH).
Boehner demands that Schettino returns to the ring and help restore order.  Schettino refuses and takes off up the ramp to the back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
Costa Concordia Tragedy: Capt. Francesco Schettino Sparks Outrage
Francesco Schettino vs. Lord Jim: The one literary reference you
Domnica Cemortan Photos Defend Francesco Schettino on Facebook
Moronic Statement o’ the Year (Francesco Schettino Edition
…

Ask any mermaid
you happen to see
what’s the best tuna?
Chicken of the
Sea

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews
the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R).  Palin tells Bernstein that if she had a preference, that Newt Gingrich led wrestler K-Roy (R) would come out on top on Saturday at South Carolina Slaughter to ‘keep the process going.’   Palin stated she wants ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, Mitt Romney’s wrestler, to continue to have an array of conservative competition.

Palin: “This process should keep going because iron sharpens iron and steel sharpens steel.”

CSM- Did Sarah Palin Endorse Newt Gingrich or Not?
Gingrich on Palin: I would ask her to consider taking a major role in …
Newt Gingrich: Palin’s Comments Are a Signal to Conservatives to …
Daily Kos: Newt Gingrich Promises Palin a Presidential Appointment
…

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Daily Kos Markos Moutilsas, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters for America, Arianna Huffington, and Jane Hamsher of Firedog.com march out with PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).   Chism says Palin has endorsed Gingrich and it’s okay, two self aggrandizing attention seekers sticking together.

Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) then walks down to the ring.  She points out that Palin & Gingrich are both unconventional, they
don’t fit into the mold of your typical Washington insider, and they’re not
afraid of a woman.  Chism says Palin is a poor excuse for a woman and tells Jones to get out of his ring.  Jones dares him to do something about it.  Chism slaps her in the face.  Jones kicks him in the groin.

A referee slides into the ring but before anything else can happen, PCW
Security run to the ring and drag the Eskimo Queen out.  PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE) walks out and informs Chism that if he’s going to fight anyone tonight, it’s going to be fellow Democrats Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama.

Biden: “You’ve been complaining about not getting your due respect.  Tonight, we’re going to settle this once and for all.  Per PCW CEO Barack Obama, the winner of this match will become the Democrats #1 wrestler.”

As Tanaka and Bahama come down the ramp, Biden recognizes a group flown in to see the show from San Francisco, California.  He flashes them a thumbs up and congratulates them on their football team’s success.  Biden then adds, “The Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl!”

Suave: “WHAT?”

Bahama and Chism both facepalm themselves.

Joe Biden Congratulates The San Francisco Giants “On Their Way
…
Joe Biden Gaffe in SanFran: Giants are Going to Super Bowl| Brian …

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Rick Perry (R-TX) is in the ring with his wrestler Texas Jack and he
announces that he’s dropping out of the contest to be the Republican
representative to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama in November.

Perry: “I have come to the conclusion that there is no viable path forward
for me in 2012.  I know when it’s time to make a strategic retreat.”

Perry thanks Texas Jack and then leaves the ring.

Perry bows out of GOP race
Perry Drops Out. Endorses Newt. Will Campaign and Serve.
Perry: Newt is GOP ‘visionary’
GOP 2012: Perry dropping out; Newt’s
scorched-earth karma; and a Final Four debate; Update: Perry endorses
“visionary” Newt

MATCH #2
Cathy- the Obnoxious, Bitchy Dance Mom vs. Abby Lee- the
Over the Top, Autocratic Dance Company Owner

Suave: “What the hell is this all about?”

Suave: “As I said, what the hell is this all about?”

[The bell rings and both Abby Lee and Cathy start insulting each other...

*'Meaning of Life' by Disturbed begins to play*

PCW Women's Champion, PCW's 'Queen of Extreme' Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring.  Cathy demands to know what she's doing there.
Valora whips her into the ring corner.  Then she grabs Abby Lee by the arm and whips her and her sizeable girth into Cathy.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

[Valora grabs a chair from the outside and slides back in.  She tosses the
chair in the air and hits a standing dropkick onto the chair and smashes it into both women.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

BACKSTAGE
‘Focus on the Family’ founder Dr. James Dobson, flanked by The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) and The God Squad: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe, talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Dobson endorses Rick Santorum (R-PA) for the Republican nominee for PCW CEO.

Dr. Dobson: “Not only is Rick Santorum an authentic conservative; Rick
Santorum is the authentic winner of Iowa.  Look at this…”

Replay: Drama in Des Moines (IA)
Scott gains the upper hand late and Santorum sneaks in and blows blinding powder into Scott’s eyes.  Scott can’t see and Richardson gets ready to drill him with a steel-folding chair.

Dr. Dobson explains that in reality Scott’s shoulders were on the mat for 3
seconds and the referee should have called the match for Rev.Richardson.   He calls for Rick Perry and his supporters to join the one, true ‘conservative- Rick-”

Perry, Gingrich, and Palin walk past the ring.

Suave: “What was that, Dr. Dobson?”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT- 3 Way Dance- non title
Winner Becomes the Democrats #1 Wrestler
Yamamoto Tanaka (D) vs. PCW Television Champion
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

[...Tanaka has Chism in trouble.  Bahama hangs back and waits.  Tanaka on the top rope...JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER ON THE WAY!.
Christopher Dodd (D-CT), chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America and advocate for SOPA runs to the ring with a steel folding chair.  He climbs in the ring and blasts Tanaka from behind with the chair.  Tanaka drops Chism who falls back into the ring and falls out of the ring.  Dodd then turns to Bahama and clocks him with the chair.  Bahama down.  Dodd rolls Chism over on top of Bahama...1...2...3.]

Bahama eliminated at 7:19.

[Tanaka, angry after the chair shot, climbs back into the ring.  Chism takes
the chair and waffles him a second time with it.  Tanaka slumps over the top rope.  Chism drags him over the top and back into the ring.   He
covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @
8:02

Dodd gets on the mic afterwards and complains that blackout day is a “dangerous” “gimmick” “designed to punish elected and administration
officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign
criminals.”

Dodd: “It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services.  It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today.  It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.”

Suave: “I’m sorry, is this the same guy who got special treatment from
subprime mortgage companies during the friggin’ meltdown?  Really?”

Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing
After Dodd exits, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I), accompanied by Mrs. Miyagi, walks out for the Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing for Saturday.  Soon after, Valora joins him.

Daniel-San and Valora both sign the contract.  Before anyone can say
anything, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. attack again.

Daniel-San gets laid out.  Valora fights back and takes out three of the four
Cobra Cons before the fourth connects with a spinning heel kick and knocks her out.   Creese and the Cobra Cons stand tall in the ring as the show ends.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Allen County War Memorial Coliseum
Fort Wayne, IN
Thursday January 5th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

The first PCW Political War on P-SPAN show began with a video recap of ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott’s, backed by Mitt Romney, hard fought, closer than expected victory in the Iowa Caucus Rumble match Tuesday night over The Right Reverend Randy Richardson, backed by Rick Santorum.

Rick Santorum (R-PA) opened the show in the ring crowing about his showing in Iowa on Tuesday night.  Santorum, joined in the ring by The Right Reverend Randy Richardson…

The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R)
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235
HOME: Scarsdale, NY
FIN:  Chairshot or Caneshot

…and Richardson’s God Squad:

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0  WT: 190
HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (The Power of Christ)

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189
HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

declared “GAME ON!” and vowed to take the fight to Mitt Romney (R-MA) and his wrestler ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott…

Former 2 Time PCW Champion
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
HT: 6′ 3″  WT: 245
HOME: Ottumwa, IA
FIN: American Stars and Fuji Armbar

Santorum vowed to end PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) reign of terror but he was challenged by American Heartland Coalition member Charlie Blackwell.

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215
HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

Blackwell called Santorum is K-Street millionaire who made his money using his ‘political insider’  status.  Blackwell was then interrupted by Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer.  Krauthammer called Santorum a ‘worthy candidate’ who’s knowledgeable, article, of stable character, and ‘authentic ideology.’

Washington Post: Charles Krauthammer article

MATCH #1
Goat (I) vs. Jon Huntsman (R)

Goat bites Huntsman.  Huntsman stays calm.  The match ended up a draw.

Backstage, a Republican Super-PAC visited former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka…

Former Three Time PCW Champion
Yamamoto Tanaka (Free Agent)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

The members of the Super-PAC walked into Tanaka’s dressing room carrying briefcases overflowing in cash.

Next, a replay of PCW CEO Barack Obama’s announcement concerning the PCW Women’s Tag Team title and PCW Men’s Title from Tuesday night.

…Obama announces that the PCW Women’s Tag Team division has been shelved.   ABC’s Jake Tapper asks if this has anything to do with the fact that two Republicans just won the title belts back (last month at PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV).  Obama’s PR…er…Press Secretary Jay Carney vehemently denies any connection.  Carney says that Obama tried to work with the Republicans in the PCW Competition committee for a fair resolution to the issue.   Carney adds the Republicans refused to work with Obama so the PCW CEO took matters into his own hands.

Obama then announces the return of the PCW Television Title belt to replace the PCW Men’s Title- currently held by Democrat ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism.  Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN, there will be the start of a tournament to crown a new #1 contender for the TV belt who will face Chism next Monday on PCW Extreme Political TV.

The start of the tournament to determine the #1 contender for the newly reactivated PCW Television Title was next.

MATCH #2- Semi-Final Match for the PCW Television Title #1 Contender
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

Magnum PO’d
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235
HOME: Honolulu, HI
FIN: Porsche Plunge
VALET: Robyn Masters

O’Beck Bahama
HT: 6’2” WT: 245
HOME: Fort Lauderdale, FL
FIN: Bahama Backbreaker

Bahama defeated Magnum P.O.’d with the Bahama Backbreaker after PCW Officials came to the ring and arbitrarily removed Robyn Masters from ringside.  The distraction allowed Bahama to hit Magnum low to set up the Bahama Backbreaker.

PCW Champion Daniel-San…

Current PCW Champion Daniel-San (I)
HT: 5’10″  WT: 180
HOME: Newark, New Jersey
FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

…walked out after the commercial break and accepted the Championship Wrestling Council’s Superstar of the Year award.

CWC Rankings Superstar of the Year 2011 – Daniel-San (PCW)

Daniel-San finished the year in top spot after a strong finish and will look to maintain his position at the top of the PCW pile next year.

The crowd gave Daniel-San a standing ovation and he thanked everyone for their support.  Daniel-San stated that he loved the fans and was proud to stick up for the little guy- something that’s lacking in the world of political wrestling.

As Daniel-San thanked the PCW fans, lurking ominously in the back and watching: John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang- Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy.

Next, a video replay of PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas’s…

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME:  South Central, California
FIN:  Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

…rant from Tuesday night…

…Valora destroys KRC and Border Tosses her out of the ring.  She takes the microphone and says she’d challenge both women to a three way match with the title on the line, but Valora has biggest game in mind- a title shot for the PCW Title belt against Daniel-San (I).

Valora makes it clear that if anyone deserves first shot at the PCW title it’s her after she dispatched ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism last month at the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) walked out and arbitrarily declared Kathryn Randall Collins (D) the winner of Iowa match and threatened to strip Valora of Women’s Title if she doesn’t accept a title match with KRC.   He sent PCW officials to the back to bring out Valora.  They broke into her dressing room- the PCW Women’s Champion was nowhere to be found.

MAIN EVENT: Semi-Final match #2- #1 Contender for the PCW Television Title
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D)

Republican John Boehner (R-OH), leader of the PCW Competition Committee ran out and vehemently protested Obama’s booking in giving another Democrat a slot for the title.    Obama’s PR…er…press secretary Jay Carney dares Boehner to try and stop them.

Blackwell was attacked mid-match by Big Labor and his Big Union cronies…

’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor
HT: 5’10″  WT: 300
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Scabbuster
MGR: Union Maid

James the Jeep Worker
HT: 5’10″, WT: 221
HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Assembly Line

The California Teacher’s Union
’The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta
HT: 6’5″  WT: 245
HOME: Warsaw, Poland
FIN: Foul Pole
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

Malibu Dusty
HT: 5’9, WT: 195
HOME: Bakersfield, CA
FIN: Picket Line
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

…allowing New Age Sensitive Guy to hit his finisher, soccer’s bicycle kick, after first apologizing to Blackwell for what he was about to do.

Post match, PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas ran out and hit a sick missile dropkick to New Age Sensitive Guy.  The Big Union forces chased after her as the show ended.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
QWest Center
Omaha, NE
Thursday December 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #3
T-Roy and K-Roy (R) vs. The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (D)

The Republicans new tag team get set to debut.  But first, GreenPete gets on the mic to say a couple words.  GreenPete quotes from an article in Germany‘s Der Spiegel magazine ‘the Republican race is dominated by ignorance, lies and scandals. The current crop of candidates for PCW CEO have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein. The Grand Old Party is ruining PCW’s reputation.’

GreenPete then calls T-Roy and K-Roy the poster children for the stupid, redneck, uncivilized rabble the Republicans attract.  GreenPete protests the impending violence inside the ring while outside the ring with the Occupy Wall Street folks: Nate, Shane, and Adam.

T-Roy: Listen, are you here to wrassle or are you here to run your pie-hole all night long?”

Lee answers the question by tackling T-Roy and the match is on.

…K-Roy drops the elbow on GreenPete.  Brock Cole Lee runs in, K-Roy tosses him into the corner.  Nate from the OWS comes up behind K-Roy.  He goes for the Occupation Obliteration but T-Roy slams a steel chair over Nate’s head.  K-Roy stomps him a bit then  sets up the table.  Shane and Adam of the OWS in…T-Roy in with a chair and blasts Shane right into Adam.  K-Roy then hits a K-Bomb through the table on GreenPete and that’s it…1…2…3.

WINNER: K-Roy and T-Roy (R) @ 15:09

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Alec Baldwin headed for the ring.  Suave replays what went down Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

Replay: PCW Extreme Political TV
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22
-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate.  Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

Baldwin whips out his iPad and says: “I’m just so mad, I’m just going to…going to…” Then he feverishly types something on his iPad.  “There!  I guess I told you huh?”

Suave: “He just tweeted from the ring.  How cool.”

Baldwin goes into a full fledged rant about Republicans and even notes that he changed his description on twitter to Conservative Christian, Gun Lover, Mom.  He goes off on the Flight Attendent who ‘got the better of him’ Monday night and calls her someone who walks the aisles of an airplane with a whistle around their neck and a clipboard in their hands and they have made flying a Greyhound bus experience.’

Baldwin turns to leave but is interrupted by Greyhound CEO Dave Leach carrying a piece of luggage.   Leach is unhappy over the actor’s Greyhound bus reference and lets him have it.

Leach: “First of all, we have hundreds of new buses in our fleet where we’ve added more legroom, leather seats, power outlets and free Wi-Fi,” Leach notes. “I think you especially would find the latter two amenities exciting, because we don’t require our customers to turn off their electronic devices…ever. You could therefore play Words With Friends® during your entire trip and nobody would give you any grief over it.”

Baldwin dismisses Leach and starts to climb out of the ring.  Leach swings his luggage and blasts Baldwin in the back with it- causing the actor get himself hung up in the ropes.

Leach: “Should you still decide not to try us, even after I’ve shared with you all of the exciting changes we’ve made here at Greyhound, all I ask from you is a simple apology.  We are not the same company we used to be … Greyhound is an American icon, a proud company that many people depend on to get them to their destinations, the same people who watch your films and TV show.”

Leach then cracks Baldwin again with the luggage and leaves.

MATCH #4
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/Pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) vs. Tommy Frick and Ralphie Fraack (I)

Golatta hits the ‘Foul Pole’ on Frick and this one’s quick and easy.

WINNER: California Teacher’s Union @ 1:11

BACKSTAGE
In the business office, there’s a huge brouhaha about the night’s receipts.  Jon Corzine is surrounded by PCW officials.

Corzine: “I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date.”

Corzine added that he was “stunned” to learn that he could not account for the money.   Then a cannonball blasted through the wall whizzed by Corzine’s head before exiting through another wall.

Suave: “What the f-”

Suave: “OHHHHHHH!  It makes perfect sense now.”

Mythbuster Adam Savage enters the room.  “Yeah, sorry about that.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Separate shots of both Keith Olbermann (D) and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) entering the QWest Center earlier in the evening.  Olbermann and Palin are ‘cover boy and girl’ for the upcoming Jesusland vs. Progressiveville novel due out next month.

MITT ROMNEY (R-MA) HEADQUARTERS
Supporter John Sununu (R-NH) bangs his fist on the table and says: ““The off-the-cuff comment, for example, that Gingrich throws out on occasion is a reflection on the off-the-cuff thinking that he goes through to deal with issues, and that is not what you want in a commander in chief.”

Romney tries to psych up his wrestler, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) before his big match against O’Beck Bahama (D).

Suave notes that Romney would like nothing more than to stem the big momentum swing in Newt Gingrich’s (R-GA) favor by having Scott knock off long time rival Bahama.

RON PAUL’S (R-TX) HEADQUARTERS
As Ron Paul also frets about Gingrich’s rise, Jack Schmidt (R) paces back and forth.  Paul tries to think of some way to ‘expose’ Gingrich’s weaknesses.

MAIN EVENT:
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)

Both men have put on absolute top notch matches against each other over the past four years.  This one is no exception.  Bahama seems to be rounding back into form.  Scott is as focused as ever.  The match turns when…

…Jack Schmidt is out!  He runs to the ring and he’s got a brick!  Bahama has Scott set up for the Bahama Backbreaker.  Schmidt climbs up the corner turnbuckle and puts the brick in the rear of his trunks.

Suave: “HE’S GOING TO TRY TO DROP A SCHMIDT-BRICK ON BAHAMA!”

Schmidt turns his back and jumps.  Bahama whips Scott forward and Schmidt nearly takes his head off.

Suave: “HE MISSED.  SCOTT GOT SCHMIDT-BRICKED INSTEAD!”

Scott out.  Bahama makes the easy cover.  1…2…3.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D)

Suave:  So, the PCW Title Match at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville will be a three way dance between champion Daniel-San (I), Magnum P.O.’d (R), and former  champion O’Beck Bahama (D).  That’s all for this-”

BACKSTAGE
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, one half of the cover for the novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, is laid out on the floor unconscious.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  SOMEONE TOOK OUT THE ALASKAN PITBULL!  WHO DID IT?  WE’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK.